Birthdays ...

It is rapidly approaching that time of year when I must once again acknowledge the advance of time.  Not that I had intended being here talking with you today.  My wants were fixed upon the horizon and yet another adventure on my bike.  As I readied myself, the western sky darkened ominously and I was forced to rethink my plans.  So here I am at the keyboard, safe and dry as mother nature unleashes her fury outside my window.

Following a not too unusual chain of events it is now a day later.  Yesterday my wife offered a foot massage, which I could hardly refuse.  Followed by several games of Ping-Pong and a little “afternoon delight”, while the maid was outside doing who knows what, perhaps visiting with the gardener.  Later my wife suggested tootling around the village on her scooter and we made numerous stops along the way.  Dropping my wife off at her mother’s I continued home to be followed almost immediately by a repairman coming to replace a couple of screens he had installed last year and had been slightly damaged through heavy use.  My wife returned home at my beaconing to deal with the screen repair while I took care of Cookie, fed the fish and enjoyed the sunset.  With me trying to eat less these days, I remained home to look after things, while my wife once again returned to her mother’s to enjoy a large village style meal shared with family and friends.

As the ritual of my late morning Skype call to my father approaches, I once again find myself gathering my thoughts and trying to regain the place where I left off yesterday.  Though I never publish online the exact date of my birth, this is the month of both my birth and our anniversary.  The close proximity of both was no accident, as I attempted to make recalling the date of our anniversary all but foolproof.  Ten years of marriage and twelve years together and things continue down a blissful path.  Approaching fifty-five years of age seems to be more about decline than advance, however. 

As one ages thoughts sometimes drift toward things that could have been but never were.  Dreams of youth supplanted by the harsh realities of life and the consequences of choices made.  Personally I find myself dealing, not with regret, but with the consequence of perhaps too much fulfillment and contentment in my life.  I truly want for nothing these days except perhaps the vigor of my youth.  To lust for more than I already poses would be greedy and gratuitous to the extreme.

Even as I strive to polish the perception of my bountiful gifts and avoid the malaise of complacency, I am painfully aware that I have passed the mountain peak and find myself descending into the valley from whence I came.  One can debate the necessity or merits of facing ones own mortality, over denial or avoidance.  Some might say I peaked too early or set my sights too low.  Hindsight and what ifs are not familiar companions as I prefer to appreciate the moment and gently guide the direction of my future.  It is to that end that birthdays find me taking stock and wondering what else remains to be done.  Of course there are no hard and fast answers.  Just a series of questions and observations and the occasional course correction to accommodate the changing terrain and circumstances.